PROFILE OF PITTSBURGH ATTORNEY WARNER MARIANI

Pittsburgh, PA Court House

Lawyer: "Now that you have been acquitted, tell me truly? Did you steal the car?"

Client: "After hearing your argument in court this morning, I'm beginning to think I didn't."

YOU NEED A NEW LAWYER WHEN...

  • 01During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway.
  • 02He tells you that his last good case was a "Budweiser."
  • 03When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five each other.
  • 04He picks the jury by playing "duck-duck-goose."
  • 05During the trial you catch him playing his Gameboy.
  • 06He asks a hostile witness to "pull my finger."
  • 07A prison guard is shaving your head.
  • 08Every couple of minutes he yells, "I call Jack Daniels to the stand!" and proceeds to drink a shot.
  • 09He frequently gives juror No. 4 the finger.
  • 10He places a large "No Refunds" sign on the defense table.
  • 11He begins closing arguments with, "As Ally McBeal once said ..."
  • 12He keeps citing the legal case of Godzilla v. Mothra.
  • 13Just before trial starts he whispers, "The judge is the one with the little hammer, right?"
  • 14Just before he says "Your Honor," he makes those little quotation marks in the air with his fingers.
  • 15The sign in front of his law office reads "Practicing Law Since 2:25 PM."
  • 16Whenever his objection is overruled, he tells the judge, "Whatever."
  • 17He giggles every time he hears the word "briefs."

YOU KNOW YOU ARE FROM PITTSURGH WHEN......

  • 01You walk carefully when it is "slippy" outside.
  • 02You often go down to the "crick"
  • 03You have to "red up" before company comes over
  • 04You've ever gotten hurt by falling into a "jaggerbush"
  • 05You know that Ahia is a river, a boulevard, and a state.
  • 06You've ever "warched" or "wershed" the laundry.
  • 07You know where Beer Falls is.(beaver falls)
  • 08Mr Webster is wrong. You know full well that "ain't" is correct English.
  • 09You know you can't drive too fast of back roads, cause-udda-deer.
  • 10"Gumbands" .... need i say more?
  • 11You've ever drank and "arn"
  • 12You've ever told someone to "quit jaggin around"
  • 13You know that Clinton, Monaca, and Beaver, are actually names of towns.
  • 14You've called someone a "jaggoff".
  • 15You hear you guyses" or "yins" and don't look twice.
  • 16You know the 3 rivers by name and can pronounce them correctly, but refer to the as ... da Mon, da Al, and da O.
  • 17You hate Cleveland although you've never been there.
  • 18You know where KerNEGgy is and you like his museum and "liberries".
  • 19You drink "pop", eat "hogies" "pierogies" and "gyros"(jy-rows).
  • 20You drink Melk.
  • 21You didn't have IHOPS or wafflehouses
  • 22You know what a still mill is
  • 23You cheer for the stillers
  • 24You expect temps in the winter to be record breaking cold and temps in the summer to record breaking hot.
  • 25You go dahntahn to da strip district and take your wife with you. Be sure to get a Permanee's sammich while yins are der hangin out an 'nat.
  • 26You know where Picksburgh is
  • 27You can find Zillionopal of a map
  • 28You go food shoppin at Jine Iggle
  • 29You don't have a spring break in high school
  • 30You beleive that "Ize" is the abreviation for " I was"
  • 31You know some one from "Sliberty , Esliberty or Wesliberty.
  • 32You've played witha dekkacards
  • 33You know the picksburgh zoo is in "Hilinpark" and have been there for school field trips.
  • 34You say "Mc Connells Mills" although you know that there is only one mill there
  • 35You know what is meant by "the POINT"
  • 36You love Pensivanya
  • 37Chipped ham was always in your fridge when you were growing up
  • 38If you've ever been "ascared" because that "nebby" old lady across the street saw you do something bad and you know she will " tell on you"
  • 39No matter how hard you try you can't stop talking Picksburghese.
  • 40You are reading this and will forward it to family and friends who used to live in "da-burgh"
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